I rarely use this blog to discuss anything other than our family adventures and celebrate my kiddo's milestones, but every once in awhile I feel passionately about something or have an "ah-ha" moment and want to write about it before I forget it. Lately I've been thinking a lot about weight and all the issues that come with it.
I've been overweight most of my life. I've tried lots of diets and tricks, but have only been truly successful at losing a large amount of weight twice in my life-- once when I was 16 and once after Ruby was born. The first time around I lost it rapidly by going on a very strict, very low-fat diet. I was fanatical, but it came with a price. I lost so much so quickly that I developed gall stones and was terribly sick until the doctors realized what was wrong with me. I kept the majority of the weight off until I was a 22 year-old missionary. I guess it was the stress? Then by the time I got pregnant with Ruby 5 years later I had gained even more weight and weighed the most that I ever had in my life. It was depressing, but I was so elated to finally be pregnant that I figured I'd focus on having a healthy pregnancy and take care of my own health after the delivery. True to my word, I gradually started getting healthy after she was born. By the time she was a year old I weighed 30 lbs less than I did when I got pregnant with her. I continued to lose weight and feel really great about myself until I got pregnant with her brother. My second pregnancy was completely different than my first, though. I was rarely ever sick, so I started gaining weight right away. To complicate matters, I also moved half way across the country and lived at the "gingerbread house" (my mom's home) for 4 months while we searched high and low for the home of our dreams. Long story short, I gained A LOT of weight. The day my son turned 6 weeks old I started running. By the time he was 8 months old I had run two 5k races and a half marathon, but was still about 30 lbs heavier than I was when I got pregnant. He just turned 2 and I've somehow managed to gain back another 10 lbs, even though I work out religiously. Wow, depressing! I haven't given up, yet, though. I'm still tackling bad eating habits and keeping active. My story is far from over.
But, I'm not sharing my life long weight loss journey for nothing, it's just a little background for what's really on mind; which is, that despite being uncomfortable in my skin I refuse to belittle myself and I wish we, as women, would all do the same. There are enough people in this world willing to call us names and find ways to make us ashamed of our bodies. I've said it before, but our bodies are amazing gifts from Heavenly Father. I may not be the most fit I've been in my life, but I can run and dance and chase my kids around the house. I'm capable of doing so much and there are a lot of people in this world that would gladly trade to be in my situation.
When I was younger I used to criticize myself very publicly and my mom would instantly cringe and correct me. Now that I'm a mom I get it. The day that my kids start fixating on food and worrying about being fat will be really sad for me. I want them to have a healthy relationship with food and their bodies. I want them to look to food for nutritional value and pleasure, but not let it rule their world. I want them to find beauty in the human body and thank their Heavenly Father for the gift of life. I want them to look inside themselves and others for worth. They do that naturally now. When they see a picture of me they don't think "fat mommy." They think "there's the person that holds my hand when I cross the street, reads me stores, gives me hugs when I'm sad, tucks me into bed at night, keeps me safe..." I want more than anything to keep them on that path.
I'm not saying that one should be happy to be overweight, but I am saying that you can find joy in the gift of life even if you are overweight. Its okay to feel uncomfortable with yourself or be disappointed that you lost control of your eating habits. But let's stop the self-loathing. Let's find a way to motivate ourselves to be better with out degrading ourselves. Let's get healthy and strong for ourselves and our children. Let's teach them to be healthy and love their bodies, too.
End rant.
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